Saturday, April 25, 2015

Things I Learned As a Child - Part 1

I was laughing with my family the other day about some of the silly things I did as a kid. This, of course, is an extensive topic. Later on, as I was thinking over it, I realized that many of my miniature disasters and tiny discoveries have imparted nuggets of wisdom. Perhaps you'll find reason to chuckle along with me over the wonderful, silly, ridiculous, profound things a little girl's experiences can lead her to conclude.


When preparing to blow a fluffy dandelion, don’t inhale with the dandelion close to your mouth.

Slapping the gym teacher is a mean thing to do.

Mysteries should be written backwards; it helps to know the end before you write the beginning.

Teenagers are very loud and very weird (but can be successfully ignored if one has a book to disappear into).

Dads are the scariest—and funnest—people with whom to play hide and seek in the dark.

Knowing to start from zero, not one, when counting laps gives you an entire lap in which to be embarrassed as you run alone and your classmates all sit down. (But then you get the satisfaction of them having to run one more lap while you are done.)

Babysitters just don’t do it like Mom does.

Standing up on your bike pedals to try to peer over a tall fence as you ride by results in scraped knees.

So does biking too fast down a hill with gravel at the bottom.

So does trying to ride back onto a raised sidewalk, after so courteously steering off to avoid pedestrians. Oh yes, and torn shorts may also be a by-product of such a stunt. (I cheated—this I learned as a teenager. But we teenagers do, on occasion, behave like children, so it still counts.)

Fire drills are scary.

Stepping on certain school hallway tiles and avoiding others does not prevent the next fire drill from occurring.

Books are picture windows into countless worlds.

Fruit juice, ketchup, water from the pickle jar, maple syrup, and other miscellaneous liquids combined do not a tasty beverage make.

Sixth graders are big kids.

The minute you enter first grade, kindergartners look tiny.

My house does not have any secret passages. (Trust me, I looked.)

The only mysteries to be had are ones like “The Mystery of the Missing Sock,” never “The Mystery of the Haunted Stairwell,” or “The Case of the Ancient Treasure Chest.”

Mysteries of missing socks are not worth being paid two dollars to solve. They’re not even worth solving at all.

Secret clubs formed with friends have a tendency to last no more than about two weeks.

Crying does not make the history test go away.

There is more than one flat-nosed bus in the world. (This deserves an explanation: My first day riding the bus to kindergarten, my dad told me to remember the number printed on the side so that I’d get on the right bus after school. In a panic, I told him I couldn’t remember that number all day. He said, “Okay, then just remember to get on the bus with a flat nose.” Little did we know the school had two flat-nosed buses. And of course I boarded the wrong one. Two buses were late delivering their children that day.)

Swapping names and snowsuits with your friend during recess does not keep people from recognizing who you really are.

Brothers don’t appreciate your hairdressing skills.

Standing in the playground and waiting for someone to talk to you is a lousy way to make friends.

Boys that chew pencils, or chase you around with boogers, or flick paint onto the back of your shirt . . . They’re just plain annoying.

That little ditch that runs between two houses on your street is not a secret path. It’s someone’s property.

Cycling barefoot in the rain is fun.

Turning ten is a little bit sad because you’re leaving single digits behind forever.

Every birthday party must have a theme, even if it’s as lame as “polka-dots and stripes.”

It is possible to have more than one best friend.

Best friends don’t have to live next door.

Flip-flops are terrible running shoes.

Riding the little red wagon down the gopher-hole-riddled hill—and letting your cousin steer—is maybe not the best idea.


  1. HA HA HA! I remember these stories! Of course, I wasn't THERE but it would have been so funny to be there... XD Love ya, sis, but some of the ones that were hilarious was the ones that you got hurt in... :( XD
    -Your Littlest Sissy, Kit Kat ;)

    1. You were there in some of them! Like some of the bicycle adventures and the yucky beverage one. ;) Oh goodness, you funny girl. XDDD

  2. These are so funny! All the bike ones happened to me :) Loved this post.

    1. Haha, what's a childhood without a few of those scrapes and bruises? XD LOL, thanks, Skye!

  3. Oh my goodness gracious, this is HILARIOUS. I am grinning so wide!!! XDDD The wisdom of children, right?

    Good grief, I can't even pick a favorite. These are all SO true!

    All those bike incidents. Lolzy. What would childhood be without some bike injuries?

    "Stepping on certain school hallway tiles and avoiding others does not prevent the next fire drill from occurring." Hahahaha! I loved that one!

    AND THE YUCKY BEVERAGE ONE. OH MY GOODNESS YES. My little sister used to make some, um, interesting concoctions herself, so I understand that one. XD

    Getting paid to solve the Mystery of the Missing Sock! Okay, that one might be my favorite. I used to always try to get paid to do things like that as well. It doesn't matter how young you are, money appeals to all. ;) But isn't it sad that there weren't any good mysteries to solve? *pouts*

    CLUBS WITH FRIENDS. YES. I tried forming a few and I don't think mine even lasted a whole two weeks. It was always so disappointing.

    Oh noes! You got on the wrong bus? Poor Tracey! But you are so funny. "Two buses were late delivering their children that day." XDDD

    "Swapping names and snowsuits with your friend during recess does not keep people from recognizing who you really are." LOVE IT.

    "That little ditch that runs between two houses on your street is not a secret path. It’s someone’s property." But it COULD have been a secret path. You had to check!

    Hahahaha! ACK. I just loved all of this. This was too perfect! If this is part 1 does that mean we get more??? :D :D :D

    1. Ahh, your comment made me grin so hard! ^_______^

      Indeed! (And it looks like I just said almost the same thing in my reply to Skye. Woops.)

      I tell you, I was a strange kid. I almost convinced myself that would work. It, um...didn't.

      LOL, my siblings and I have been quite the chefs too!

      That was during my Jigsaw Jones phase (closely tied to my Mandy Shaw and Nancy Drew phases). He always charged two dollars a mystery, so I wanted to do the same. I think that sock ended up in someone's shirt sleeve... But yeah, I know, where are all the GOOD mysteries hiding? Hmm, is that a mystery in itself--the mystery of the missing mysteries? :P

      I KNOW. So very disappointing.

      Ahaha! It was scary then, especially that sinking "oh no" feeling I got when I realized what had happened, but it's hilarious now.


      Exactly, it could have been! If my house has no secret passageways, surely the neighborhood must have some secret paths!

      Yeeees, I had too much for one post. Part 2 is forthcoming! :D

  4. THIS IS FANTASTIC. And I'm also mildly jealous because I caaaan't remember my childhood very much. *stamps foot* I mean, I remember big events, but not the little details, you know? I do recall playing games with my dad and older brother in the dark though, and you're right: TERRIFYING. xD
    Thanks for stopping by @ Paper Fury!

    1. ACK, THANK YOU. Aww, poor Cait--you can't remember your childhood? *pouty face* Much of mine is a blur too, but there are certain things that just stick out. Some of the earlier "memories" aren't true memories at all; they're just stories my parents remember. XD
      YES, SO SCARY. You just *know* they're going to jump out at you! Thanks for commenting!

  5. Lol. These are cute. XD I've always thought if I wrote a mystery I'd have to do it backwards lol. And every birthday party had to have a theme when I was a kid lol. Some included Pink Panther and Tea Party.

    1. Haha, thank you. XD Exactly--I doubt I could pull off a mystery novel without knowing the end first. Those sound like way better birthday party themes than the ones I had, lol! A tea party would have been especially fun. ^^

  6. Dad is still scary when playing hide and seek!!!! And he has GOOD hiding spots!

  7. You had an interesting childhood, didn't you? I think I made it more interesting. :P

    I remember all those bike incidents quite well, actually. And the gross concoctions we dared ourselves to drink while taking a break from school in the morning. Not to mention the lame birthday party idea. No offense. XD

    Now that I look back, I really have to question the safety of writing that wagon down the hill... We could've been seriously hurt! O_______________________________O <---- That is a whale face, just so you're aware. :P

    Looking forward to seeing your next post! :)


    1. I suppose so. ;)

      Heh. All the ouchness. And the yuckiness. And lameness. Ah, good memories, good memories. XD

      I know, right?? (And I think you meant RIDING the wagon, not writing.) Lovely whale face. Random, but lovely. :) Thanks for reading and commenting!