Saturday, May 2, 2015

Things I Learned as a Child - Part 2

Apparently, I've learned so much as a child that I have enough for two posts. You can see part 1 here. Now on to part 2!


Beginner readers are boring—Anne of Green Gables, now that’s more like it. (Yes, I did read it in first grade. I will confess, however, that many of the words were way over my head.)

Flying a kite near tall trees isn’t smart.

A bicycle makes a good substitute horse when a real one can’t be found. A sister with skipping rope reins is also acceptable.

No matter how high you swing, you just can’t swing over the top bar.

Food tastes better at a picnic.

Yes, I know you're all drooling. ;)

Dads can make such a convincing deer-in-distress call (or was it buffalo…?) that the lion at the zoo will wander closer to the fence, thereby giving you a better look at it.

The flamingos at the zoo don’t have their own music—that was someone’s cell phone ringing.

Pink rubber boots worn inside the house are definitely the height of fashion.

Vacuum cleaners are not kind to toes. (I’m cheating a little bit again, since I discovered this fact as a teenager. Lots of ouch.)

There are no sharks swimming in the darkness of your bedroom, so there’s no need to race into bed quite so anxiously.

Helping your siblings open their Christmas presents only makes you look bossy on the home videos.

Getting a dragonfly caught in your hair is frightening.

Figuring out Roman numerals is an impressive feat.
When your little sister follows you around, it means she admires you, not that she wants to take over your turf. Be kind and understanding.

Wearing your pajamas to the Canada Day fireworks is definitely a treat.

Brothers are great spider-exterminators.

When playing “house” outdoors, soup made out of water, leaves, grass, gravel, and flower petals can almost look appetizing. Sort of.

A popsicle falling to the ground is a tragedy of epic proportions.

Birds are hard to sneak up on and won’t be petted.

The night of Christmas Eve is the longest of the year.

When you say sorry, mean it.

Singing “Jesus Loves Me” at the top of your lungs, while wearing a pink garbage bin over your head, in the middle of a store—well, what could be more fun? (I have no memory of this, just so you know, but my parents certainly do.)

Your big stuffed dog named Casey most certainly does get lonely when you leave her for an entire day of school. She must lie on the living room couch so that she can be around people until you return home.

Just because Mom writes in her recipe book doesn’t mean you can.

Just because Mom writes in her Bible doesn’t mean you can do that, either.

Stuffed toys are good at keeping secrets.

Dads make excellent princes (when you’re Cinderella), chiefs (when you’re a tribal warrior), kings (when you’re the evil courtier), hunters (when you’re the forest creature), and narrators (when you’re acting out a fairy tale).

It follows that a brother makes an exceptionally ugly stepsister, fellow warrior, court jester, or companion forest animal.

Sisters make great stepsisters, fellow warriors, princesses, and scared rabbits.

And moms are fabulous at doing the supper dishes so you have time to play before bed.


Little Miss Me, the gardener


  1. All of these are adorable. Yes, rubber boots are the height of fashion.

    1. Heehee, thanks. XD I think those boots in the picture may even be the ones I mentioned.

  2. Girl, this is amazing. Made me smile.

  3. Yaaay! I've been waiting for this! It was just as hilarious as the first. XD

    Oh my goodness, Anne of Green Gables!!! <333 I actually chose to wait until I was a little older to read it because I felt I'd get the most out of it. But it was veeery tempting to go ahead. Goodness I love that series.

    My bicycle was ALWAYS a horse! :D

    Of course you post that delicious looking picture when I'm sitting here starving. ;P

    "The flamingos at the zoo don’t have their own music—that was someone’s cell phone ringing." LOVE that one. XDDD

    The Christmas present thing, YES. We've been on a home video watching kick lately and I cringe every time I see myself helping my little sister open her gifts. Blegh. I was so annoying. XD

    And the little sister thing! It took me some time to learn that one myself...

    Stuffed animals totally get lonely. *nods*

    "It follows that a brother makes an exceptionally ugly stepsister..." *CHOKES* Perfect. XD

    Aaahhh, these were all so great. Love, love, LOVE these posts!!!

    1. Aw, really? ^^ I'm glad.

      Sounds like a smart decision. I should reread it now that I'm older! I probably missed a lot.

      Mine also functioned as a motorcycle when pretending to be a secret agent. ;D

      Of COURSE, Christine, because I'm evi--er, awesome that way. XD

      I borrowed the flamingo bit from my youngest sister. She was probably four or so on that particular zoo trip, and she honestly thought that someone's ringtone was music for the flamingo exhibit. Terribly cute.

      Oh, do I sympathize. I was an annoyingly bossy big sister too. And I tended to get in the way of the camera...

      It took me some time too! *shakes head at silly younger self*

      They do. They need love and attention and air to breathe (I still feel bad putting some of them in boxes).

      Well, he did... XD

      Thanks, Christine! Glad you liked it! :D For your sake, I wish I had a part 3. Maybe one of these days.

  4. Aw these are cute! I barely slept on Christmas Eve as a child lol.

    1. Thank you! :)

      I could sleep, but it was the actual *falling* asleep that was the hard part. And I inevitably woke up early on Christmas morning, too.

  5. Cool post, Tracey! You were so cute. ;)

    1. Thanks! Hmm, past tense? Not cute anymore? XD Just kidding. Thanks for reading, Cece!

  6. And here we are again, discovering your wild and whacky childhood days. XP

    Yes, using a sister as a horse was certainly unique. :P Vacuum cleaners and toes mixed together make for more than just lots of ouch; there's also lots of BLECH involved. @_@

    You seemed to think of helping us open our presents as a sacred call. :P I always rushed into bed too, but I never envisioned sharks... It was much worse! XD Roman numerals were just the toughest way back when.

    "If an evil spider's in your bedroom, who ya gonna call? YOUR BRUTHA!" (That was my little spoof on the Ghostbusters theme. :P)

    Ah yes, I often went to bed antsy on Christmas Eve. And those times we played downstairs were fun... but was I really so awful as a stepsister? XD


    1. Ugh, don't even remind me about that vacuum cleaner incident. >.<

      "A sacred call." Lolzy, I guess so! What else would explain my intrusive ways on Christmas morning? Certainly not oldest-child tendencies...
      Oh? What did you envision instead? Goblins? Trolls? Giant man-eating worms?

      Ha. Ha. HA. I'm terribly grateful to have you on hand when those little creepy crawlies invade!

      No, not awful--just not terribly good-looking, as girls go. You'd have made a nicer looking prince. XD

      Thanks again for reading such ANCIENT posts, bro! You da best. ^_^