Things I Learned as a Child - Part 2

Apparently, I've learned so much as a child that I have enough for two posts. You can see part 1 here. Now on to part 2!

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Beginner readers are boring—Anne of Green Gables, now that’s more like it. (Yes, I did read it in first grade. I will confess, however, that many of the words were way over my head.)

Flying a kite near tall trees isn’t smart.

A bicycle makes a good substitute horse when a real one can’t be found. A sister with skipping rope reins is also acceptable.

No matter how high you swing, you just can’t swing over the top bar.

Food tastes better at a picnic.

Yes, I know you're all drooling. ;)

Dads can make such a convincing deer-in-distress call (or was it buffalo…?) that the lion at the zoo will wander closer to the fence, thereby giving you a better look at it.

The flamingos at the zoo don’t have their own music—that was someone’s cell phone ringing.

Pink rubber boots worn inside the house are definitely the height of fashion.

Vacuum cleaners are not kind to toes. (I’m cheating a little bit again, since I discovered this fact as a teenager. Lots of ouch.)

There are no sharks swimming in the darkness of your bedroom, so there’s no need to race into bed quite so anxiously.

Helping your siblings open their Christmas presents only makes you look bossy on the home videos.

Getting a dragonfly caught in your hair is frightening.

Figuring out Roman numerals is an impressive feat.
 

When your little sister follows you around, it means she admires you, not that she wants to take over your turf. Be kind and understanding.

Wearing your pajamas to the Canada Day fireworks is definitely a treat.

Brothers are great spider-exterminators.

When playing “house” outdoors, soup made out of water, leaves, grass, gravel, and flower petals can almost look appetizing. Sort of.

A popsicle falling to the ground is a tragedy of epic proportions.

Birds are hard to sneak up on and won’t be petted.

The night of Christmas Eve is the longest of the year.

When you say sorry, mean it.

Singing “Jesus Loves Me” at the top of your lungs, while wearing a pink garbage bin over your head, in the middle of a store—well, what could be more fun? (I have no memory of this, just so you know, but my parents certainly do.)

Your big stuffed dog named Casey most certainly does get lonely when you leave her for an entire day of school. She must lie on the living room couch so that she can be around people until you return home.

Just because Mom writes in her recipe book doesn’t mean you can.

Just because Mom writes in her Bible doesn’t mean you can do that, either.

Stuffed toys are good at keeping secrets.

Dads make excellent princes (when you’re Cinderella), chiefs (when you’re a tribal warrior), kings (when you’re the evil courtier), hunters (when you’re the forest creature), and narrators (when you’re acting out a fairy tale).

It follows that a brother makes an exceptionally ugly stepsister, fellow warrior, court jester, or companion forest animal.

Sisters make great stepsisters, fellow warriors, princesses, and scared rabbits.

And moms are fabulous at doing the supper dishes so you have time to play before bed.

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KIDS HAVE ALL THE FUN. KEEP A BIT OF YOUR CHILDHOOD WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES.

Little Miss Me, the gardener